Beyond Gratitude in 2023: How Surrendering to Adversity Can Help Expand Your Ability to Find Joy
Christmas still hasn’t happened yet for Michelle, whose family was impacted by blizzard hurricane conditions in upstate New York. Looking back over the challenges of 2022, Kathy and Michelle are ready to put the year behind them and turn their attention to new goals and new projects. We talk a little about where we’re putting our attention in 2023 and our motivations behind our new initiatives. As we’re both motivated towards helping other people live more fulfilling lives, we have some observations about how challenging experiences actually create greater abilities to live more fulfilling lives and give back from a deeper place.
Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:04 Hey Kathy. I’d say Happy Friday, but it’s happy Thursday.
Speaker 0 00:00:09 It is a happy Thursday. This week has been like my favorite week of the year so far. , it has been just awesome. How about you can,
Speaker 1 00:00:15 Can they all be like this week
Speaker 0 00:00:17
Speaker 1 00:00:17 Like that be okay?
Speaker 0 00:00:20 I feel like I’m catching up on so much. I, I cleaned , my house, , vacuumed rooms that haven’t been vacuumed in a year because I
Speaker 1 00:00:30 Just haven’t, so that’s what color the carpet is.
Speaker 0 00:00:32 . Usually it’s like I’m downstairs and I’m vacuuming up Golden Retriever for, and then there’s some dust and stuff in there. And then I vacuumed upstairs for like the first, the teenagers supposed to do that, right. But yeah, she went on a sleepover and I’m like, opportunity to go and like clean upstairs. So much dust. I cannot even believe there’s no fur cuz the dogs, you know? Yeah. Well at least the golden retriever wants to stay with me all the time and create his little tumble weeds down here upstairs. So dusty. So dusty. It was, it’s just unbelievable. Yeah, I got too much, much house right now.
Speaker 1 00:01:10 . Hey teenager, do you have asthma? Cuz if you don’t you’re gonna clean this place up.
Speaker 0 00:01:14 . Seriously. Yeah. And so she goes over for the sleepover and she’s like, I’m not sneezing like I do at home when I wake up. And I’m like, Hmm. And she’s like, I need hardwood floors. They have hardwood floors here and things are so much better. And I’m just like, clean your room. Yeah, clean your brother’s room’s. Clean’s like it just like you’ve got this space. She’s got, she’s got basically a small house to herself upstairs and Yeah. Yeah. Not cleaned, but yeah. That’s TV for ya.
Speaker 1 00:01:46 . Absolutely. Like we could get you an air filter or you could just use a dust rag every once in a while.
Speaker 0 00:01:53 , maybe once a month. Right
Speaker 1 00:01:57 Now my daughter growing up, her room was always trashed, always trashed. And honestly, like, one of the things that like actually kind of put a wedge between me and my mom growing up is as a teenager and you know, now I know that I have like executive dysfunction, a d h, ADHD tendencies, um, you know, on the spectrum a little bit kind of stuff. Back then, none of that was anything we knew about. I wasn’t hyperactive so they didn’t think that that was a thing. Right. I was on Ritalin or whatever, so it was just me. But, so I did not have, and when I say this, it sounds so stupid for other people to hear. I didn’t have the ability to keep my bedroom clean. I just could not mentally do it. Right. So like, there was always clothes everywhere on the floor. And that was a huge point of contention for my mother. But she didn’t have to live in the space. So it didn’t, I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to her.
Speaker 1 00:02:55 If I closed the door, why do you care what it looks like on the other side of the door? So when my daughter was growing up, I had a rule for her, her room could be as messy as she wanted it to be, but three things had to be true. In order for me to leave her room alone, one, she had to keep the door closed. Like I didn’t wanna see it. I didn’t want cats in there peeing on her, you know, cuz cuz they do use litter boxes, but they also will pee on clothes if the opportunity is there sometimes. Right. So like that’s just a thing. Two, no food, no food could ever be in that room. Yeah. Period. Because that’s when you’ll get the bugs in the mice. And we lived in a house that was over a hundred years old at the time.
Speaker 1 00:03:35 And three, she could never say, I don’t have anything to wear if it was all over her floor. Like, I will help you wash your clothes, but I’m not going into your room to determine what’s clean and what’s dirty and what I can step on and what I can’t step on. Right. Because I don’t know what the, like the, I’m not in Indiana Jones working my way across the tiles trying to figure out to to, and so I just let her be. And she was the filthiest the Filthiest in, oh. The fourth thing was that if she ever did want help getting her room back to clean the order, I would help without judgment. Yeah. Because sometimes the, the overwhelm keeps you from cleaning it and if somebody else could just come in help you without judgment, then you could get it back to where you wanted it to be.
Speaker 1 00:04:23 And so she, she wrote a, there’s a another story that goes with us, but basically she wrote a letter to a podcast once, um, and about an experience that she and I had, but she also talked about the fact that, um, growing up, like I just trusted her to have her space. And that that was like amazing to her that I would do that. She is now a neat freak . Really. That’s great. Yeah. And I am too. Like I try to keep, it doesn’t, I dunno, if you’re looking at my background right now, this is the leftover of Christmas packing and everything else, or wrapping I should say. So this room will be back into like a neat and tiny order. And you also don’t see the piles that are over here that I cleared outta the way. It’s like only what’s on camera. But, um, but yeah, so I am the same way now and it’s, it causes me anxiety and overwhelm when my physical space is cluttered.
Speaker 1 00:05:17 And um, and it’s funny cuz that’s how I lived as a teenager, but now I know right now I know that, yeah. Had somebody come in, like when your friend comes over like, oh, let me help you clean your room. It’ll be like, yeah. Right. Like, I love going to other people’s houses and like, Ooh, can I organize your spice rack for you? Like all those things. Right. But it’s harder to do for yourself. And so, um, so yeah, so I understand as a teenager it’s just, we always look at them and go, how come they can’t? But realistically, their brains are still learning and growing and understanding how to be the person they wanna be within that space. Right. And sometimes there’s a D H D and executive dysfunction and other things and mental health issues that, that come into play. Um, along the same way. So , so take heart Kathy, she’s gonna get through it and you’re gonna get through it. Well and it’s just us
Speaker 0 00:06:05 Know actually yeah, actually this summer, um, in July, my husband had to go back into the hospital cuz they found a blood clot in his leg. Mm. Scary. It just set me back into, you know, it was the same hospital where he had the stroke and yeah. I’ve been very lucky in not having to spend a lot of time in hospitals over the past, you know, and then I had P T S D and she knew I was stressing out. Oh yeah. And I came home and he had to stay overnight for a few days and I came home that first night and she was greets me at the garage door and is like, I know you’re gonna be stressed out and I just want you to know everything’s gonna be okay. And it came into the kitchen uhhuh, it was spotless. Aww. Neater. Like everything’s put away to the point where I don’t know where anything is. ,
Speaker 0 00:06:51 She did that for me. It was like the, she obviously, she probably, it probably scared her a little bit too. And it put her in a state of what can I do? Yeah. How, how can I help? So I know she’s got it in her. So I don’t give her any, you know, I mean, I didn’t even say anything to her. I just, when she came, oh, she, she texted me and she’s like, uh, I left something in my room. Can you go get it and bring it downstairs? And uh, so I went and did this and because somebody was coming over to pick something up and uh, so I went and did that and she, and um, I just said, I cleaned your room for you. And she’s like, really? Wow. And she comes home and she’s like, thank you, thank you. And she’s so, I didn’t like make a big deal out of it. It was just like mm-hmm. ,
Speaker 1 00:07:32 That’s a level of trust.
Speaker 0 00:07:33 But she, I just,
Speaker 1 00:07:34 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she
Speaker 0 00:07:35 Didn’t needed her out of there to do it. I can’t do it when she’s home and she’s in there and I can’t do it when I’m working. You know, obviously I’ve got thing or taking care of him. So it was just like, she’s gone. It’s a quiet week.
Speaker 1 00:07:46 Perfect opportunity
Speaker 0 00:07:47 Is now clean. Yeah. So it was, and then the other thing is too, it’s like I was so motivated and tired after doing that. I like cleaned my desk, you know how stuff
Speaker 1 00:07:57 Accumulates
Speaker 0 00:07:58 My pile of stuff here and you know, nail trimmers, you’re on a meeting and it’s like, all right, sit through, like all of this stuff that does not relate to what I’m doing. I’m gonna clean my nails up and I’m gonna Yep. You know, whatever. You just have all your like little distractions on your desk. I got rid of all of them. My desk is like perfectly.
Speaker 1 00:08:19 I love it. I need to learn how to knit. I have been like, when I was in higher ed, there were women who would come to meetings and some of these meetings were an hour, two hours long and they were actively engaged in the meeting, but they needed to be busy and they would knit. Yeah. Or crochet. I mean, I’m gonna be honest to say, I don’t know what they were doing. It was young and there were needles involved. I think some people were doing one or the other. But I have never learned to do that. But like, man, could you imagine the blankets you and I could be cranking out
Speaker 0 00:08:47 Serious.
Speaker 1 00:08:48 Seriously. Under the Yeah. The, the, the camera lens.
Speaker 0 00:08:52 No, that, that’s so interesting. Cuz I’ve been in a lot of, lot of meetings where everybody’s just got the camera off and stuff and those meetings when I can just turn my camera off, I’m, I’m totally engaged, but I’m tidying up and I’m doing other things while I’m in the meeting. Yep. And it’s not that I’m not engaged or taking in the information. Yeah. Actually, you know, I listen to a lot of podcasts and a lot of YouTube videos and stuff. I’m not even like watching the video, but I’m listening to it and taking in information while I’m doing other things. Mm-hmm. , I would like, you know, this is one of my things for 2023. I’m gonna go try to see if I can get in more audio only meetings because I think I’m gonna be much more productive and happier. Mm-hmm. if it’s just audio only.
Speaker 1 00:09:31 Yeah. You know, there’s, there’s being engaged and then there’s being, there’s look, having to look engaged. Right. Like you can be engaged if you’re not as worried about like nodding and mm-hmm. Yeah. And whatever, what other people are talking. Especially with those like 13 people in the room. Right. Right. And you’re just like, I am talking to two minutes of listening for, for 45, you know, kind of thing. Yeah. I agree. I can, we could get,
Speaker 0 00:09:59 We could get pictures of ourselves or just like screenshots of us ourselves sitting here looking engaged and, and totally there and just like put up a little over the camera and then go like question and like still be connected and everything and, but you know, if you don’t need me here, like, here’s my face.
Speaker 1 00:10:17 Like what is this? And my podcast and my earbuds are in. Yep. . I also just wanna say though, like for you to be able to say to your daughter, I cleaned your room. And for her to say, oh my gosh, thank you. What a level of trust and what a great relationship that you guys have. Because there are so many kids who are like, but would you touching my stuff? And like, usually there’s nothing that you’re gonna find. It’s not like they’re hiding, you know, hardcore drugs or whatever else. They just, kids are so territorial about their space. So for you all to have that kind of trust in that relationship, like kudos for both of you. That’s awesome.
Speaker 0 00:10:51 Yeah. Well I don’t go through like the drawers or anything. Actually, I
Speaker 1 00:10:55 Wouldn’t
Speaker 0 00:10:56 The drawer and to shov something in it and got poked by a push pin and I’m like, that drawer is herper, , ,
Speaker 1 00:11:03 ,
Speaker 0 00:11:04 You know, whatever’s in there.
Speaker 1 00:11:06 Who cares? It’s just Yeah, for sure. Like
Speaker 0 00:11:08 The dust, the piles of clothes and
Speaker 1 00:11:11 Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:11:13 The
Speaker 1 00:11:13 I hear
Speaker 0 00:11:13 It hands and I don’t buy soda. I just buy those like carbonated waters. Like the husband, husband has had Oh yeah, . He has had a swallow. Yeah, exactly. Like LaCroixs. Well I just buy the cheap Wco now. Mm-hmm. . Um, but I, he has a swallow issue and, but carbonated stuff he can drink just fine. So I buy a lot of carbonated waters for him, but she buys them and like takes three sips and then there’s like half full can like everywhere, which is just like, that’s why we only get the WinCo
Speaker 1 00:11:42 cheapest. The cheap
Speaker 0 00:11:44 Lower than lower than Walmart. Even WinCo like the cheapest prices around. I just buy like lemon and lime. And that’s your carbonation?
Speaker 1 00:11:52 And uh, yeah, my mine is the, the Wegman’s brand and it’s always grape grapefruit. I love grapefruit flavored. So yeah, that’s my, that’s my go-to. And I almost always finish them, but when I don’t, whatever’s left I pour in a plant. Do you? Nice. And I just use them to water my plants cuz it’s, there’s no sugar in there. It’s just flavored, you know, water and nice, maybe naturally flavored, but it’s so minimal. I’ve never, uh, it’s never killed a hasn’t killed a plant yet. I’ll say that. Yeah. nice speaking. I should do that. Speaking of plants, let me tell you, last Friday when we were talking, um, you know, was this impending hurricane, uh, you were freezing like the whole like half more than half of the United States was plunged into, um, this polar vortex or whatever it was called. My daughter is in Buffalo and they got the brunt of it.
Speaker 1 00:12:45 So Friday I get a text message from her saying, um, it’s really getting bad here, we’ve lost power. Um, and I said, well, I don’t know if it’s, you know, I hope it’s gonna come back. And she says it’s not likely to come back quickly because the, I mean, there was 80 mile an hour winds. It basically was a snow hurricane Wow. Inland. Right. Because it caused by the Great Lakes. Um, and so a little while later she texted me and said that they were going to her friend Amanda’s, who was literally a city block away. Like they literally just had to, they, my daughter lives on a corner. She had to walk to the end of the block and like down two houses, it took them over 30 minutes to make that walk with their cat. Oh gosh. They had the cat, the cat carrier, they had their dog on a leash and they had whatever p belongings they needed, you know, she wears contacts, toothbrush, you know, couple changes of clothing, whatever.
Speaker 1 00:13:38 They were there until Tuesday because they finally got power back on Tuesday. Yeah. And I said, speaking of plants, because my daughter doesn’t want children, but she is a plant mom. Right. She lost over a hundred plants because it got done. Oh my gosh. It was, you know, it was subzero. Oh, not subzero, but it was subfreezing. And so their apartment got below freezing and like most of her plants are gone. So, so if you ever, if anybody wants to join the Baia plant fund, let me know. She l she goes to Lowe’s, she goes to wherever. But I’m, I’m kidding about that. But I will be giving her some plants, um, to help, help restart her, her home nursery that she just, yeah. She just loves the greenery and all of that. And her, of course, her, her pets, she was able to bring with her.
Speaker 1 00:14:25 But yeah, so they, they, I think she said that they lifted the travel ban last night. So they were under a travel ban from 9:00 AM last Friday to Wednesday midnight. So that, I mean, it’s terrible. The National Guard is outside the city. People really can’t come and go from the city until like, maybe today they finally can. Wow. And the death toll is over 30 officially. But Oh my gosh. People, people were posting how to take care of dead bodies at home because they knew that people would were dying and, and EMTs emergency services couldn’t get to them. Oh. So like, if you had a family member pass away, whether it was because of the storm or just natural causes, you needed to be able to understand how to care for that person until a coroner or Oh geez. Yeah. A funeral director could get there.
Speaker 1 00:15:14 So it’s been pretty bad. I know this is supposed to be motivational, uh, podcast, but, but there is still an amazing sense of, uh, positivity amongst people in the city. There’s a hor like politics of it is really horrible right now. The blame is being thrown everywhere, but the fact that neighbors help neighbors and people are making sure as much as possible that they’re sharing. Um, but it’s gonna be a really long time before Buffalo is, you know, back to whatever normal looks like and the amount of snow that they get over 50 inches in 24 hours. Yeah. It’s crazy. Oh my gosh. And it’s supposed to get into the forties and this just like the sta the second storm of this magnitude Yeah. That they’ve gotten in the past four months. November 17th was the other one, uh, which they were better prepared for. And it was warmer temperatures around that.
Speaker 1 00:16:04 So, um, they didn’t lose their power and everything quite as bad. But the, the combination of the really, really cold temperatures, the amount of snow that they got and the wind, um, people were stuck in roads in their cars for days and people died in their cars. Like they’re not just pulling out people out of cars, but they were pulling bodies out of cars because people froze to death in their own, in their vehicles. Um, houses burned down because the firetrucks couldn’t get to them when the house caught on fire. Um, so it’s, it’s, you don’t see it in the news because, you know, it’s, it’s yesterday’s news in, you know, national news things, things change and they don’t pay attention to things as quickly or as long term. Um, but if it’s in you to send some positivity, pray for the people in Buffalo, it really is something that they could use right now.
Speaker 1 00:16:51 Um, we didn’t get to have Christmas together yet because she was stuck, of course, in a travel ban and her car is still buried under four feet of snow. So they’re gonna have to like, oh my gosh, dig out her car. But this Saturday, so this is, this is the positivity this Saturday we’re, we’re, we have a do-over, I’m picking up my mom bringing her in. Lydia and John are coming in and we’re gonna have our Christmas finally together this Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon. And she said, don’t you don’t have to make lasagna. Cause I made a humongous lasagna. I’m gonna throw away so much lasagna because I just , I, I couldn’t eat it all. Um, to myself. My neighbors took some, my mom took some, um, I’ll have some more for lunch today. And then it, you know, it’s, it’s getting to the end of its week.
Speaker 1 00:17:30 I can’t like continue to eat lasagna. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, I’m just gonna order pizza and wings and we’re gonna have a good time together and celebrate the fact that we’re, you know, she’s okay. They’re okay. Their, their pets are okay. And, um, and, and people will, you know, the city will pull itself together, together, um, as it has in previous, um, issues. Last year, as you know, there’s that shooting in the, in the grocery store not far from where she lives, the grocery store that she goes to. Um, and so Buffalo is, it’s a strong city. People will pull together, but there’s been looting, there’s been, you know, just all kinds of tragedy. And now that the temperatures are supposed to get up in the forties again, there’s gonna be flooding because all of that snow has to melt somewhere. So, yeah. So it’s gonna, but I’m very much looking forward to seeing them on Saturday, as you all know.
Speaker 1 00:18:21 I made her that get that, um, guess who game And she hasn’t seen it yet. And it’s been burning a hole underneath , like Christmas tree learning to give her to her. So, so yeah, I’m super excited about seeing her. And I told , I texted her. She’s not, she, she is a loving person. I don’t mean it to sound that way, but she’s not like a hold you cuddle you kind of kid. You know, she, I mean, she’s 30, she’s not a kid. But I told her, I said, prepare for an uncomfortably long hug. And she’s like, I’m okay with that. So you, it’s been a rough time and she’s looking forward to seeing her mom too,
Speaker 0 00:18:56 So Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:18:56 Oh yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:18:58 Wow. That must have been so hard. I know with, um, my son who moved out, gosh, it was like a year ago plus, and he’s up in Minnesota and so it’s like, you know, with this cold snap, I’m checking all the temperatures and checking in on him all the time. It’s so hard when your kids grow up and, and leave and you, they’re far away and there’s nothing you can do. Yeah. Like that situation, what could you do to even, she’s gotta find that resourcefulness with herself and take care of herself and her
Speaker 1 00:19:28 Pets. I couldn’t Yeah, you couldn’t order them Instacart cuz like if Right. The EMS couldn’t get there. Like, nobody’s delivering groceries. You couldn’t Amazon her. Like, there’s a short of like hiring a helicopter and like dropping supplies in, which is not within my resources, by the way. No. You know, it’s just like, just checking with her, letting her know that she’s loved on, on the regular and, and just seeing if there’s anything that I could do to help. Which I mean, obviously limited, but I, I the liquor store was the one store that opened early. So they’ve been staying with their friend Amanda for four days. And she said, I said, let me send some money so that you can at least buy groceries or something for Amanda. So she texted me back and she’s, I sent her a hundred bucks. She goes, we spent it at the liquor store and replenished your liquor cab.
Speaker 1 00:20:15 And I’m like, sounds good to me. . perfect. So I do get to spend, I do get to see her before the new year. I get to have Christmas before the new year, which brings us too. And here we are, like, you know, just chatting on and on forever. But it’s almost 2023 and 2022 can bite me. Like 2022 was the year that like took a lot. Right. It took my dad, it took a lot of things. It it has not been an untried year in so many ways. Um, 2021 or 2021. Oh my God, let’s not go backwards in time. 2023 had better be better. That’s all I’m gonna say. Do you, I I actually put tweeted the other day that I don’t like the idea of resolutions. I like the ideas of goals, resolutions just has such a negative connot connotation to me. Goals sounds positive. So do you have any goals for 2023?
Speaker 0 00:21:08 I do. Ooh, sure. I do. . Well, you know, I am really excited about, I’m excited about a lot of things. Yes. I’m excited about human empowerment, you know, that, I mean, that’s what we’re here to do anyway. Um, I’m excited about bringing stories of amazing things that people can do, amazing things people are doing. I love to tell stories or to share stories and to hear stories of, of, of amazing things people have done and sort of like how their mindset led them to that place. This morning I listened, you know, when I walked the dogs, I listened to podcasts and whatnot. And it’s just kind of like, a lot of times it’s just like, all right, YouTube what you got? You know? And um, this morning I listened to Carrie Ann Moss, who was Trinity in the Matrix. Yeah. Love her.
Speaker 0 00:22:01 Can’t remember what podcast it was. But anyway, she sh she popped up, I’ll send you a link when we got off of here. And I, I listened to that and then I came home and did all my morning stuff, fed the dogs, you know, cleaned some stuff up and I just kept listening. It, it was so cool how she like knew when she was a little kid, I’m gonna be something cool, I’m gonna do some cool things. And was like so focused to get there. I wanna tell more stories like that. So I, you know, I don’t know if I’ll Carrie Ann, Carrie Ann, if you’re listening, I’d love to interview
Speaker 1 00:22:30 You
Speaker 0 00:22:31 . Um, but I have a little personal project that I’m starting to tell some of these stories and not just, you know, in the WordPress space, but I’m gonna start with the WordPress space because these are the people that I know and there’s so many amazing stories of people who have Yeah. Built lives of the lives that they desire, their, their dreams mm-hmm. come to life because they’re like, oh, this is all I gotta do. I can do this . Yeah. And what about this stuff? And then somebody swos in and helps them. So I wanna tell stories of empowerment and I’ve got a project, the site is built, I’m ready to go. I just have to start interviewing people and put this out there. And I’m super
Speaker 1 00:23:11 Excited. Oh my gosh. Super.
Speaker 0 00:23:12 I excited about that. I’m super Can’t wait. Too excited.
Speaker 1 00:23:15 Yeah. To share when you, when you’re ready. I can’t wait to hear what you’re calling it cuz that’ll be fun too.
Speaker 0 00:23:20 , do you know, did I tell you yet?
Speaker 1 00:23:22 You probably did, but I’m not remembering
Speaker 0 00:23:24 . Okay. Well see. All right. So last, it was last year about the same time my son moved out. Um, I was going through a lot of stuff and this was even even before the stroke. And I was talking to a friend of mine and I said to them, you are so fantastic. And they said, well, you’re fantastic. And I’m like, wine might have been involved, but I was immediately like, oh, I’m registering that one. Right. And I, I love it. Like, fantastic.com was like $2,000. And I’m like, yeah, well, oh, fantastic. Me even. Perfect. So I did fantastic.me. So I’ve got the site all built out and all my colors are picked and everything. I just need some like, love it, you know, headshots that are updated of me and things like that. So fantastic. It’s gonna be the fantastic podcast. And it’s like you finding out, you know, what do they call it? A port menu or like zin fantastic.
Speaker 1 00:24:14 Oh
Speaker 0 00:24:15 Yeah. Kind of like, kind of like, you know, I was born a zant, that was my name. It’s my maiden name. It’s the name that I was given. It’s kind of like what I was defined as a lot as as a young kid because of just how my family was in this smaller town. Everybody knew who the ants were. Oh. And um, to become fantastic is to take, take that and own it, but also to be something more and to be more of
Speaker 1 00:24:40 Yourself. I love it. So, oh, it’s, that’s goosebump.
Speaker 0 00:24:43 I’m gonna come together.
Speaker 1 00:24:45 I love it. That’s fantastic. That’s fantastic.
Speaker 0 00:24:47 How about you? Do you
Speaker 1 00:24:48 Wonderful. Do you have some goals? I do. So I had goals that I had established for this year that I didn’t do. Um, mostly because life got in the way, especially like, you know, asked my dad in March. So that kind of derailed a whole bunch of stuff. But there’s, there’s the only thing that said they had to be done this year with me. And so I said they can, they can, they can do next year instead. So I have two goals. One is to write another book.
Speaker 0 00:25:13 Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1 00:25:14 I don’t know what it’s gonna be about yet. It might be like more of what my first book was about. That kind of thing. Might be something different. I’m still like, you know, fits with that part of it. Um, but the other part is to publish a calendar and it was gonna be a 2023 calendar. Clearly that’s not gonna happen. Um, it’s gonna be a 2024 calendar. And I have a friend, she is an amazing woman. She lives locally here. Um, I think she’s in her late seventies. Um, I never asked her, but I, I’m assuming she’s in her late seventies. She’s battling cancer for the fourth time.
Speaker 1 00:25:45 She is a woman of gratitude even though she has been going through surgeries and, um, you know, uh, I can’t, uh, colon cancer and she said breast cancer, her daughter had breast cancer last year. Like this woman has dealt with so many amazing, like oppositions. And by amazing don’t mean great. I mean like, just like tremendous opposition. Um, she continues to be a woman of gratitude and to support others. And even if it’s just like she posts things on Facebook just that are uplifting. And, um, our goal was to do a book or something together. And then I thought, why don’t we do a calendar with my photography and her words of gratitude. And so we are gonna do that, but we’re gonna do a gratitude journal together with my photography Yes. And her words. And so we’re gonna publish a journal next year, um, with prompts and with gra you know, with for cre for creating gratitude, um, and remembering your, and re remarking on your gratitude because gratitude can often change your outlook on, uh, situations.
Speaker 1 00:26:53 As you and I both know this year, there’s things Yeah. That, you know, over the last year and a half that have been tremendously difficult and tremendously painful and tragic. But even in tragedy, obviously sometimes I should say not, not, maybe not obviously, but in the middle of it, you often don’t see the grit where you can be grateful in the situation. Yeah. But hindsight will allow you to find moments that you can say, this happened, but I’m still grateful for X, y, Z. Um, right. Uh, when I was in Tennessee, um, selling my dad’s house, as difficult as it was, I made some friends down there who are still my friends and we text each other frequently, and they’re ma they’re gonna plan to come visit me, um, in this next year. And so I have gratitude for that. And the churches that were down there, my dad had a church and my brothers had a church.
Speaker 1 00:27:39 They took up offerings for three months and continued to give us money to, um, to buy food while we were there taking care of the boys. Wow. To they, they came over and mowed the mowed the yard and like, it was, it was two acre yard. I mean, we’re talking big stuff. And so, um, so I’ve gratitude through that and so through the people who provided and the people who provided support, whether it was financial or emotional or whatever. And so there are ways to find gratitude in spite of, and I know you, you, your sense of humor has helped you find gratitude and reach out to people and, and be supportive to others through what you’ve gotten through too. And so I think that that’s gonna be a really good project, um, and a good goal for this next
Speaker 0 00:28:21 Year. Amazing. I am so excited by that. You know, as you’re something that I just heard over the past few days, um, you know, people like you and me and and your friend who have gone through really difficult times, it changes them. You can’t go through life and go through upheaval like that and not be changed mm-hmm. . But what I think this, this parallel, uh, analogy, metaphor came in where they talked about like the glaciers in the northern climates that mm-hmm. that come in and, and compress the land, but then as soon as the glaciers recede, as soon as that pressure goes away, the ground starts to expand. And if you think about it, you know, we become changed by these experiences and it, it changes us much like a glacier going through and, and changing the land. Um, it’s almost like the, the container of who we are becomes expanded.
Speaker 0 00:29:22 And if you can just use gratitude, even for like the smallest thing, use gratitude to fill that container. It’s like you started with a cup, right? But this, this pressure came in and expanded who you really are. You can hold so much more gratitude, so much more joy. Your ability to feel, you know, it, it, there’s a lot of people who go through life just like surface level or goes through life, you know, just not really getting deep, not really living life, um, to the fullest. And these experiences, while they’re hard, if you sort of like go and surrender to them, they expand you in a way where you can live a more fulfilling life because you have the capacity to feel everything at a deeper level. Not just the hurt because you allowed, you know, that thing to transform you. You can now feel joy, you can now feel gratitude.
Speaker 0 00:30:14 You can now hold space for other people that you couldn’t maybe do before. Um, you know, I mean, people who go through life and everything’s perfect for them all the time. God bless ya. , I’m so happy for you. . Wouldn’t that be nice? But yeah, . But when they, when I talk to, you know, there’s a lot of people I talk to and they, they don’t know how to talk to me about, um, the stuff that I’m going through. There’s my mother, for example, she’s like listening to me actually like deal with, um, my husband when he’s like upset or he doesn’t know something’s not right with him. And he, it’s harder for him to get his words out at that point. And so I have to play, you know, maybe it’s making me more psychic, who knows , but I’m like trying to figure out what he is asking for. Like the other last, yeah. Few days ago he was asking me for Goldilocks and I’m like, , no idea whatsoever. And he is like, Goldilocks, Goldilocks. And I’m like, you need water? And he’s like, like not being able to tell me it was, uh, cold water, cold water was Goldilocks. And my daughter comes in, she must have got this sense of humor for me. She comes in, she’s like, well, wouldn’t Goldilocks be like the lukewarm water? Not too hot too. Not too gold.
Speaker 0 00:31:31 Like, touche, you’ve got a point there. But like, my mom listens to these types of things and she’s just like, you’re a saint. And I’m like, this is life. This is what we go through. This is mm-hmm. my husband, I can’t put him in a nurse. I can’t live with myself putting him in a nursing home. I have to live through this. I have to go through this and, you know, I am surrendering to this experience for whatever it gives me. Mm-hmm. . And you know what, that story would’ve story’s hilarious on my daughter’s ability to like step into that and, you know Yeah. World look out for who this child is gonna be when she’s out on her own because yeah. She has dealt with some of the hardest things and it it’s changed her. Yeah. It’s going to make her much more resilient for just achieving.
Speaker 0 00:32:16 Because when you’re trying to achieve something, when you set a goal, it’s not like, you know, it’s like, oh, well there’s my happy little goal, you’re gonna reach a point on that journey where it’s like, why did I decide to do this? This is hard. Yeah. Yeah. And if you’re resilient and you have, you know, moved through difficult situations in the past, you’re able to move through those challenges mm-hmm. and achieve so much, much more because it’s like, I can hold space for this. No problem. This is temporary. I can, I still know where I’m going. So yeah. So is the thing, I’m really looking, I’m looking forward to your gratitude journal , because coming from someone like you and coming from your friend, it’s going to be something of tremendous impact just because of who you are.
Speaker 1 00:33:00 Well, I, I hope so. I hope that the heart that we put into it will reach other people to find the gratitude and, and the positivity, um, and things in their own life. For sure. Um, I know that there are days when I, I have friends who keep d I’ve never kept a gratitude journal and I, you know, maybe 20, 23 by the year I start doing that. But they say that if you, you know, every day write down 10 things and even, even if it’s just, you know, my, my my seltzer water, um, glasses that, let me see. Like, it can be things that just feel like everyday things, but it’s about, you know, your mindset and, and your, um, mindset is so important. So important. Um, it’s everyday. But when you said that about, about your daughter too, I, I was thinking about that there’s that she’s gonna be empowered, right? So there’s a big difference between empowerment and entitlement. And it sounds like she has is becoming empowered through her experiences, not entitled. Yeah. Because she’s been, you know, had a life of ease. . You will. So it’s great. We’ve probably gone on way longer than
Speaker 0 00:34:01 Spoiled though.
Speaker 1 00:34:02 . Well, I mean, who isn’t right? But like, um, if you’re still listening, you know, hey, thanks for hanging in there. We love that you love our conversations. Uh, we do just tend to just go on sometimes. And, and that’s, that’s the fun of it too though. Seriously. It’s like a lot of, a lot of fun. Well,
Speaker 0 00:34:19 To me it’s like you, you make me remember a lot of things that maybe, you know, it’s like, okay, I had these like observations or like listening to that podcast this morning. Wow, this is really deep. And but you, you bring out in me sort of a depth of observation that I carry with me. I hope it’s of impact to someone else because I think these conversations really do matter. So
Speaker 1 00:34:41 Yeah, I’m on. And even if we’re the only one , even if we’re the only ones getting anything out of it, I’m, I’m cool to keep publishing. I love it. . And if you’re listening, this is our 15th podcast episode already. It feels like just yesterday when I said to you, Hey, you wanna do a project? And like, you know, by Monday we had it all published cuz , we are women of action .
Speaker 0 00:35:02 Yeah. Yeah, we are. Well, wow, that’s so cool because we’re at 15, but like a year ago we started the cadence beat and that’s like only at 22 or 23 now. So it’s
Speaker 1 00:35:12 Uh, well we haven’t missed a week.
Speaker 0 00:35:13 We did. We haven’t missed a week. And I wanted, I don’t want the, you know, the marketing to put too much pressure. I want Ben to feel freedom to do. Yeah. He’s got so many things that he’s doing. Of course. And I’m like, okay, but I still wanna talk to him.
Speaker 1 00:35:25 It’s a d doing it.
Speaker 0 00:35:26 Yeah. Yeah. So, and it’s good, but it’s like every time we publish one when’s Cadence? Black’s three coming, when’s it coming? It’s just like, oh my gosh, it’s coming. We’re working
Speaker 1 00:35:36 At it. Oh no. Now we put on goals for 2023 and people are gonna be, Hey, when’s that, when’s that journal coming? When’s that countdown? Yeah, . Hold your horses people. We’ll get to it. Yeah. . Anyway,
Speaker 0 00:35:49 Cheers on
Speaker 1 00:35:50 Absolutely. Well, best wishes for a great start to 2023. I know we talk to each other all the time, but I’m saying it publicly. Um, and happy New Year to you and your family, Kathy.
Speaker 0 00:36:02 Yeah, to you too. I’m so well happy. Happy belated Christmas
Speaker 1 00:36:07 . Thank you. I’m so glad
Speaker 0 00:36:08 That you and Lydia and your mom and everybody can get together this weekend and have Thank you, Christmas. That should have been last week. And
Speaker 1 00:36:15 I’ll post pictures .
Speaker 0 00:36:17 Awesome. I can’t wait to hear how she likes her gift. That
Speaker 1 00:36:20 Is so fun. Fun. I’m so excited. Should it be the last gift of the first gift? I don’t know. . We, we’ll see what happens. I’ll let her play Anna. Whatever she pulls out from under the tree. That’s all good. Great. So, all right, much love. We’ll see everybody in 2023. Consider, um, uh, sponsoring the podcast. We’re gonna start putting out for sponsorship if you’re interested. We would love to talk to you and, uh, we’ll see you next year.