Calm in the Chaos
How much chaos can two lives hold? Kathy and Michelle are testing the limits so you don’t have to! And through the chaos, they both find not only experiences that create greater awareness, they find ways to be more present in their lives. Holding on to gratitude and reframing your experience more positively can always help. Even in the worst of experiences, there can be positives if you look for them.
Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Start your week smiling with your friends, Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. It’s time to get ready for some weekly motivation with WP Motivate.
Speaker 1 00:00:13 Happy Thursday, Kathy.
Speaker 2 00:00:17 Happy Thursday. Hey, always wait, let somebody knows what day it is.
Speaker 1 00:00:21 I like, I had to think like, wait a minute. It feels like Tuesday, but we had Tuesday off. I worked Monday, so that must make it Thursday. Happy Thursday.
Speaker 2 00:00:29 . Yeah. My week has been just absolute chaos. It started chaos. Well last, well, it’s been chaos for a while, but Monday morning I had to bring my car in and I’m like, I flipped a coin actually. I’m like, should I get a lift? I, is it gonna take long time? Do I need a rental? I don’t know. So I flipped a coin and it was heads take a lift. And so it was heads take a lift. So I took a Lyft home and I was pretty stressed out. Cause I’m also dealing with in insurance Nightmares, uh, because we don’t live in Michigan ,
Speaker 1 00:01:01 But our company’s head headquarters Cross Shield
Speaker 2 00:01:03 . Right. But Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan is telling me that our claims aren’t valid. So I talked to HR and they’re like, that shouldn’t be happening. You’re doing something wrong. And I’m like, thanks for letting me know. I’ll figure this out. Um, so we’re in the midst of this two month in internal Blue Cross Blue Shield investigation to figure out why Blue Cross Blue Shield is not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. And meanwhile, I’m like out of meds for him. The people are like, what’s going on? We don’t know what. And so I’m in a car dealership talking on the phone trying to get meds because that’s like my primary thing. And I’m, I think I was texting you at the same time and I’m like, my life is so chaotic. . Then I get into the back of this lift with this woman and I’m just like, and I’m taking a Lyft and she shows me a picture of her daughter, beautiful little girl. Mm-hmm. who had passed away. And I’m like, all right, screw my car. And the meds and everything else. And
Speaker 1 00:02:03 Your refrigerator
Speaker 2 00:02:05 And the fridge.
Speaker 1 00:02:07 Yeah. I’m just,
Speaker 2 00:02:09 My heart is with this woman because that’s all that matters. All of the other garbage going on in my life.
Speaker 2 00:02:17 Yep. My heart is with this woman. And so that to me, I’m still kind of like, why did I take a Lyft? Cuz I needed to rent a car eventually anyway. So like what kinda terrible decision making this coin made for me. Um, but I feel like Spirit made that decision cuz it was like I needed to see her. I needed to just like drop everything and just be with this woman who lost her little girl. That was so, it was so sad. But it’s like that’s what life is about mm-hmm. Is being with each other through all this stuff. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:02:44 I often think sometimes like when I hit every red light on the way home, like, oh my gosh, why did that happen? And then you find out later that there was an accident or something that if you’d made the red lights maybe you would’ve been in the middle of it. Right? Like, we don’t know. Yeah. It could have have been. It could not have been. But you’re right. I think we end up where we’re supposed to be for whatever reason that is. Um, and as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes. Um, yeah. You know, for sure. It’s okay. Here’s my dark humor side of things. So this year my furnace died and the AC had died the summer before I moved in here. I took over the, um, mortgage, everything for my parents. This is where they, this is, they moved in here in 1987. 80 80? No, 1988. Okay. So I had to write a check for $11,000 cuz furnaces, it turns out furnaces and AC is not cheap. Right. So I write this check for 11 grand and I text Mark West Garden and I’m like, just wrote a check for $11,000. Thank God dad died.
Speaker 2 00:03:58 Would
Speaker 1 00:03:58 Not have been, I would’ve been freezing my, took us off every winter. Cause there I didn’t have the money to buy a new furnace and everything and don’t just have that kinda spend of money. But I had gotten a little bit of money from my dad’s estate. Yeah. And I was like, well, easy go, easy go. So yeah, this is my little dark humor. But yeah. We, we never know what things, when things are happening, how the pa how things in our past are gonna play into the fu Right. Future path, the path that we’re on. Right,
Speaker 2 00:04:27 Right. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:04:29 I didn’t say that very well, but Yes.
Speaker 2 00:04:31 Yeah. So, well I’m spending a lot of money on the fridge, refrigerator. I don’t know how much, I don’t know how much it’s all pulled out right now that they had to go buy things. And I’m like, okay, just come in the garage. I don’t care. Um, yeah. And I’m like, so I I, I actually had to sell some assets in order for this particular thing. I’m just like, um, my savings, they are kind of tapped. I have assets, I have retirement accounts and everything, but I’m like, okay. I I, I bought a bunch of cryptocurrency. I bought a bunch of the, of Ethereum when it was less than $200. It’s now like, it went up to like 4,000 and then it was like, um, now it’s like 1900 or something. So I sold a couple to cover the fridge Yeah. And the car. And I’m like, I hate selling things that I know are, first of all, I gotta take a, a hit on it and then I know it’s gonna go back up.
Speaker 2 00:05:28 And I’m like, I’m wanna sell this. But I’m like, I just like found this gratitude that my old self made the decision to take a risk on Ethereum back when nobody really knew about it. And then I just got this strong intuition of like, and I you did this before, what means you can’t do it again? What’s the mm-hmm. , what’s the next Ethereum? You’ll figure it out. Yeah. We have faith in you. And I’m like, thank you. , whoever’s talking to me has faith in me to like make a good financial decision because right now I don’t feel like I’m making them . It just feels like,
Speaker 1 00:06:01 Yeah, no, I understand.
Speaker 2 00:06:03 Everywhere.
Speaker 1 00:06:04 Yep. And then time, I bought him a time.
Speaker 2 00:06:07 Yeah. Another thing that cool thing that happened is they were gonna, they wanted me to take my husband and put him in a facility because I don’t have all of the equipment he needs in order to get better. They said he needs a standing frame next. So I immediately went on Craigslist and found a standing frame for $600. Drove down there, got the standing frame and I’m like, boom, we’re ready. Um, I can’t find a standing frame at all, any, it was like almost a miracle that I found this. Wow. So I feel like things just kind of show up. Yeah. And everything happens for a reason. I feel like just even though my life is really chaotic right now, they’re even like tearing up the street. I feel like I’m like in this flow of, I can’t wait to see what happens next. Mm-hmm. , like the next chaotic thing might be the most like amazing thing. I don’t know. But everything is just working out.
Speaker 1 00:06:57 Yeah. I mean, isn’t that weird? It’s weird but it’s good. I mean it’s, it’s like when, there are times when things are the most chaotic, like I’ve discovered, first of all, I think everybody’s somewhere on the spectrum. It’s a spectrum. It isn’t a binary. Right. So like you can, you can be at one complete end of it, but whatever. And overstimulation like makes me wanna like rock and shut down sometimes. Right? Like I’ll sit there, I’ll just turn my head like this and it helps me calm down and I’m like, oh, I think that’s called stemming. So yes, I do a little bit of that kind of stuff. If I am, I might have to try that . If I have the microwave going, the lights on the air fryer, which I’ve had before, like heating one thing and whatever, and the television, then I’m like, okay, something’s.
Speaker 1 00:07:42 So then I’ll turn off the lights of the TV because you know, I can sit there in the relative darkness. Doesn’t have to be, I mean, it’s not pitch dark. I’m not eating at midnight for, for example. But like, there’s just too much stimulation. And so I’ll turn things down and that’s like all of the overstimulation feels chaotic, right? Like it’s all controlled. It’s the, the hum of a of this and the hum of that and the, yeah. Talking of that and the lights or whatever. But it feels like chaos because there’s so much of it and it’s just overstimulation. And so finding ways to turn off the things that can be turned off and still accomplish the purposes that you need to is a small way of finding that calmness. Um, and I think you do really well at that. It’s like, I know we talk a lot outside of here, it’s surprise everybody.
Speaker 1 00:08:30 We don’t just talk one hour a week, uh, , but we message each other and we are sounding boards for one another. And I love that about our relationship. And you are really good at saying, oh my gosh, this is what’s going on. And just being a safe space for one another. Like I do that to you too. Yeah. That for me helps find the calmness because sometimes you just need to tell somebody what’s going on. And so finding those little ways to be able to appreciate in spite of like, I may be overstimulated, but I’m making a meal and I have food. Right? Yes. So like being able to like look at the end result, turn the lights back on after the noise is gone. Go sit in front of my television, watch reruns of the office and eat my dinner. Yeah. , like those little things.
Speaker 1 00:09:17 Um, and looking at the end goal, but finding those ways to create some calm when you feel so much chaos. Like Yes. Like when I was on the plane coming back from Europe and I was on the window, my daughter was in the middle seat and there’s this tall guy in the aisle and Lydia, like, I do not travel well. Like I am a plus size person. So you know, we got the arm up between us. We’re shoved in there like, you know, sardines, proverbial sardines. And I’m leaning as far, like, I try to make myself as small as possible to give her as much space as possible. So I’m leaning it forward and I’m leaning against the wall to give her more shoulder space for nine hours because she couldn’t take the, the feeling of being stuck in that spot for the uh, um, yeah.
Speaker 1 00:10:05 I can’t think like the, what do you call it? The close fear of close spaces. Claustrophobia like that. Claustrophobic. Yeah. Yeah. Like that feeling. So I get off that plane in the most pain I had been in a long time. Plus we now know I had covid, you know? Right. But in the meantime, trying to also create calm spaces for her to be able to do that and to yin and yang, those kinds of things. Like me leaning forward so she could le you know, lean a little to the right and those kinds of fitting around each other’s spaces. And I think sometimes, like you said, like you, your fridge is, this is like, what, three weeks now you’ve been dealing with this stupid fridge. Yes. But you were able to put a small fridge in your garage. You have food, you can freeze things. I’m sure you lost a few things you wish you hadn’t. But ultimately you’re able to feed your family, you’re able to cook you, you keep things cold, you have butter, eggs, whatever you need. But it doesn’t mean the chaos isn’t still there. It just means that we find ways to cope. Um, even when we feel like things are out of our control.
Speaker 2 00:10:59 Yeah. Yeah. It was weird cuz I now, so I had to rearrange the garage
Speaker 1 00:11:03 Because mm-hmm. of
Speaker 2 00:11:05 So, and, and just to make things a little more spicy, the g the handle to the garage like it used to be just slam it and it just slam shut. But now the lock is like stuck. So I have to replace that. I’m like, Claire, can you help me do it? I don’t, you don’t have to do anything. Just stand there and be moral support while I’m doing it. I wanna let me
Speaker 1 00:11:24 Do it alone. .
Speaker 2 00:11:26 But I, so I have this like tray. So I put all the food on the tray and then
Speaker 1 00:11:30 I walk it and I have
Speaker 2 00:11:31 Like, uh, I have a, uh, a bookcase that I put it on so I can then close the door so no animals get out. And then I have to walk around and there’s a box where I put it on to put it into the fridge. So it’s like this very long process of like, it’s a choreo. You’ve
Speaker 1 00:11:48 Choreographed it
Speaker 2 00:11:50 . I have, it has been painful. And so I’m like loading up the tray one day earlier this week and I was like, this is such a pain in the ass . And then immediately I’m like, but it’s gonna be so nice to have a spare fridge when this is all done. Yeah. And I just like relaxed into knowing like the end result is it’s gonna get fixed and I’m gonna have Yeah. And the fridge guy is like, really? He’s like, you know, they don’t have the right hose on the back and it’s gonna burst on you. So I’m gonna replace this with like a metal thing, blah, blah. And I’m like, nice. Mm-hmm. , blah blah sounds great. Whatever. Just fix it. You know? So probably like another thousand dollars. I don’t know, it’s like one of those big built in mm-hmm. ,
Speaker 2 00:12:29 You know, you see those fancy ass kitchens and you’re like, oh wow, look at this. This looks so nice. And it, when you look at the fridge, just, it is so much more expensive than you think it is. . It’s just get the cheap Yeah. Kitchen, the cheap fridge. Oh my gosh. And it’s like, yeah, no, but I got that message of mm-hmm. , even though this is hard right now, when it’s fixed, it’s gonna be so much nicer because I don’t have to try to like cram and, and the fridge is like completely like I cleaned it out. Mm-hmm. . So it’s like spotless now. And so
Speaker 1 00:13:02 It’s nice. It’s so nice. It’s a good lesson that we don’t necessarily go back to normal because normal would be that you get your fridge back and you don’t have a fridge in the, in the garage. Right. So normal can be, we have a new set of issues to deal with. Normal can be, hey, things got better, our new normal, I mean, right. Yes. It’s like your husband. Right. So when, when he had the stroke, it felt like your world just came crushing, crumbling around you. You didn’t know if he was gonna live or die. You didn’t know if he what he would be able to get back. And now you have a new normal, but it’s not easy. But you have ways to work with him and to keep him going and all of those things and, and, and be able to laugh about it. Even though I’m sure there are still plenty of times when you cry about things. Cuz if you’re like me, that’s normal. But, um, yeah,
Speaker 2 00:13:48 But
Speaker 1 00:13:48 You get
Speaker 2 00:13:48 To and I get mad at him. Of course you do. I get mad like with all this chaos with the cuz that this is all stuff he would’ve just dealt with and it would’ve never affected me. I would’ve been just so
Speaker 1 00:13:58 That’s
Speaker 2 00:13:58 Not your plate. Damn it
Speaker 1 00:14:00 .
Speaker 2 00:14:01 It’s, plus I have to take care of him. And so sometimes I get a little testy with him like I did this morning. I was just like, I just didn’t feel like dealing with everything. Yeah. And uh, I got testy with him and then I had to go back in and said, sometimes I just get mad because I miss you. Yeah. And it was hard, you know, I mean I have to like be really humble and say, you know, I’m sorry I, please forgive me. I did not mean to be so testy with you, but I am mad because I miss you. I miss you being able to help me with all this stuff. I miss him just like listening to me now I have, now you listen to me . But he was like,
Speaker 1 00:14:40 Tell me Mark, he was
Speaker 2 00:14:41 Just . I won’t call you Vicky. Okay. That works. . But I just, I miss him and he’s still here, but he’s just, it’s not the same. But yeah, you have to go towards the new, you have to strive for something. Exactly. You can
Speaker 1 00:14:56 Can’t go back to what used to be. Well it’s like I, I get mad at my dad cuz he died like, whatcha gonna do? Yeah. He can’t fix that, you know, but it’s like, damn it, thanks for the money, but you should be here instead. But it is what it is, you know, and we live and we move on and we find ways to remember or scream or yell or whatever, but yeah. Yeah. He used to shoot deer. Yeah. Like he used to hunt them. I shoot deer with my camera now. So I feel like I just continued , continued the thing, but no food in the freezer. But no, no deer were harmed. today’s, yeah, today’s shootings
Speaker 2 00:15:38 . I love that shot you got of the, the deer with the, the bird that was like,
Speaker 1 00:15:43 Oh my gosh. Like the coolest. I washed it for like 20 minutes. I only wish that my camera had a better zoom on it, so it would’ve been a little bit crisper. But it was a red wing blackbird. And if, if you, if y’all wanna see it, you can go to my Instagram. It’s at Michelle amazon Instagram. Um, it was a a, it was a, a velvet buck. So we had about, i, I don’t know, was it like a four or six point buck velvet on his antlers still? And he’s sit standing in the end edge of the water, like eating some of the reeds that are growing up along this, uh, this pond at a wildlife refuge. And the red. And it actually was right where I took a picture of a sandhill crane last month. Wow. And they, last month the um, the red wing were dive bombing the Sandhill crane. So I think maybe they were nesting there or something, but this was not dive bombing that the deer, it was landing on his antlers. Wish I got that picture, but I didn’t landing on his back. And then there’s two pictures where the deer is up, his nose is up in the air and he is sniffing the bird who’s kind of hovering near his face with its wings. And I was just like, oh, I got the shot. I felt like snow white .
Speaker 2 00:16:50 Wow. That is so cool. That
Speaker 1 00:16:52 Is so cool. It really cool Was cool. It was so cool to observe it. I wish that I had a camera that had taken better pictures and I could have videoed it, but you know, I, I got what I did, did and it was a pretty cool shot either way. So yeah. So that’s my poem, right? So like Tuesday I didn’t have like, I don’t wanna be the woe is me single girl, but nobody invited me to afford the July party. Nobody said, Hey Michelle, do you wanna go to the fireworks? Like, none of that, which is fine. I don’t expect other people to be like, oh, we have a single friend. We should think about her. And I do realize that like I come with a scooter that people have to help me with. It’s, I’m, I’m a bit of a project, but I can do things.
Speaker 1 00:17:29 I don’t have to sit at home and feel sorry for myself is my point. So I have cameras, I drive, I drive 80 miles, 80 minutes out of my, you know, between Rochester and Syracuse. And I spent, I drove through it twice. It’s . I spent four hours driving through this wildlife reserve, just taking pictures of animals. Um, mostly, mostly birds, but just like I saw a turtle in the road. He was so fast, I didn’t get his picture. Um, I saw a bunch of red winging blackbird got one, got a couple pictures of them. But sometimes they’re just so fast you can’t. But the fact that I got to see it, like I saw an eagle, he is so far away, the picture’s really blurry. Took it anyway cuz I wanted proof that I saw him. But, um, you know, I saw eagles, I saw deer, I saw so many different birds.
Speaker 1 00:18:08 I saw, um, uh, a great blue heron with his wings wide open, standing on, um, a, uh, like a pylon his wings wide open, sunning himself and collecting all the warmth and the heat from the sun after he’d been in the water. And I took all those pictures and I thought, I don’t have to go see fireworks. I have seen so many amazing things that day. Yeah. And I still got home in time to go to the bathroom and , I I drink coffee a lot when I’m on these road trip on these trips. Um, and I got home in time to eat dinner and watch TV before I went to bed to have to go to work the next morning and, and all of that. So yeah. So things can feel pretty chaotic. I had a pretty hard day with my mom, as I was telling you before on Saturday. Um, she and my stepdad are not doing well and they need a lot of support and it’s not easy for me to give them support. But they didn’t ask me to come over and do anything with them on the 4th of July, which meant I got to go out and have some moments of zen for myself, which was
Speaker 2 00:19:10 Pretty cool. That’s awesome. Yeah. That’s awesome. Well, I spent the fireworks in the car, so Yeah. listening to my dog’s bark and my husband freaking out at home so that my daughter and her friend could go watch fireworks somewhere. And you’re
Speaker 1 00:19:27 A good mom.
Speaker 2 00:19:28 Yeah. I try to be. It’s hard. I’m a single mom now too, you know, you’re Yeah. A single mom. Yeah. And of course, and then I get home and Mark is like, I think there might be a war. And I’m like, it’s going to be over soon. It’s all okay.
Speaker 1 00:19:46 Poor guy.
Speaker 2 00:19:47 .
Speaker 1 00:19:49 Yes dear. Yes, there is, but it’s in my head.
Speaker 2 00:19:52 . Yes. It’s actually in the kitchen. Looks like a war zone right now. Everything. Hey,
Speaker 1 00:19:57 You should ask those fridge guys if they can like find a key for your little wine, wine fridge, .
Speaker 2 00:20:04 Seriously. Hey, they are, I had to get, um, an a antique appliance restoration just because they didn’t have this right part anywhere for
Speaker 1 00:20:16 Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:20:16 So yeah, maybe they can figure that out. Yeah,
Speaker 1 00:20:20 As long as they’re in your house, I’d ask them.
Speaker 2 00:20:22 Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:20:23 Yeah. And, and if you, if you do get it open, I want a picture of you drinking that wine.
Speaker 2 00:20:28 .
Speaker 1 00:20:30 Just send it on Slack .
Speaker 2 00:20:31 Yeah. I might be in the fetal position with the bottle, like,
Speaker 1 00:20:36 I promise not to share it with anybody else.
Speaker 2 00:20:38 .
Speaker 1 00:20:41 Oh, anyway.
Speaker 2 00:20:42 I hope I did get my light. My light fixed though.
Speaker 1 00:20:45 Fixed. Oh, I see you, you do. That’s very, very nice. I have one of those in the office. I may bring it, put it behind me wherever we’re here. Um, so I can have one behind me too. And I brought myself another orchid. So Looks beautiful. That’s my 4th of July present to myself. I have orchids. They’re made of Lego . Cause those are the only kind I, yes. I can keep a lot . I have a beautiful Bonsai too. Also Lego , some succulents. Awesome. Lego. I have so many Lego flowers that’s not even funny. . Oh, that’s so cool. Yeah. Well Lego is also my, my moment of calm, my calm and the chaos. Something to put my attention on other than whatever’s going on in life. So yeah. Anyway, well whoever you are listening to us, if you’ve, if you’ve made it this far, we hope that you find moments of calmness in your chaos as well.
Speaker 1 00:21:33 I also hope that’s not as chaotic as we’ve experienced lately, that you can manage to get through it. Um, and if you do drop us a line, we’d love to hear about how our conversation either inspires you. You could tell us how we’re wrong. You could tell us that we’re awful people. You can tell us how wonderful you think we are. We’ll take it all. We got broad shoulders. Anyway, we will see you next week where we’ll talk about who knows what. Anyway, bye bye. This has been WP Motivate with Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. To learn more or to sponsor us, go to wp motivate.com.