Choosing Your Memories

Facebook’s memories feature shows us things we’ve written or where we’ve been tagged in previous years on a particular day. Sometimes, however, there are days and memories that should just stay in the vault, never to be spoken of again. In this episode, Michelle and Kathy recount some past memories that are both cringe-worthy and comedic. They also talk about how the past and the future aren’t even really happening, except when we re-engage them with remembering or worrying about the future. The now moment is all we have. They also talk about a strategy for re-remembering past traumatic events so that you can move forward in a positive way rather than being haunted by them.

Episode Transcript

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Start your week smiling with your friends, Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. It’s time to get ready for some weekly motivation with WP motivate.

Oh, happy Friday, Kathy.

[00:00:16] Speaker B: Happy Friday.

[00:00:18] Speaker A: I love when we just start and we’re already laughing because of talking about what we’re going to talk about. If you are already listening to the show, thank you. We love you, Mike.

[00:00:28] Speaker B: We love you, Mike. Hey, Mike. Hank.

[00:00:32] Speaker A: Mike is so fan. Yeah. I hope you’re, and then if you, if you don’t comment, we’re gonna have, we’re gonna be hurt. But anyway, just kidding.

But we try not to talk, discuss too much before we start recording what we’re gonna talk about because we really do want the conversation to be fresh and not a rehash of what we just talked about. And actually, when I teach podcasting, I talk about that, too. Like set up your topic with your co host, but don’t go deep into it. Otherwise, you’re just rehashing a conversation. It’s not as fresh. So when you hear us laughing, it’s genuine laughter. We’re not like, oh, that was funny five minutes ago, but I better laugh now kind of thing.

So, yeah. So my ideas, let me start all over again for today’s topic. I was going through Facebook every single day. I get a reminder, like, of your Facebook memories and dumbass me clicks them every time, rolls down and was like, oh, my God, 20 years ago, what is, how far back does it go? Like 18 years ago, 1718 years, something like that. Facebook’s around. I’m like, oh, it was so cringey, or, oh, my God, I can’t believe I said that. Or just, you posted something about a memory that’s sad or pisses you off or, you know, whatever. And so I used to just like scroll past them really fast and then I realized I can delete those.

I cannot change the past, but I do not need to be reminded of every single moment that I have lived.

Also, it’s kind of a good, reflective practice to see how far I’ve come from cringe, too. Like, well, our 1718 year ago cringe versus 2024 cringe because I’m still cringe and I’m okay with that, but it’s different cringe now. So as I was scrolling down today, I was like, um, yeah, I had bought some adult coloring books like twelve years ago, you know, like mandalas and stuff like that. Not like adult theme, but, you know, like adult color books. And apparently I took pictures of them and posted them to Facebook, like, like my mom was gonna put them on the fridge. I don’t know what I was thinking, right. So I was like, delete. Delete. And you go back far enough, and Facebook used to prompt you. And so you would, like, complete the sentence, right?

[00:02:52] Speaker B: Yeah.

[00:02:52] Speaker A: Nowadays, you wouldn’t do, like, you would have to say, I’m heading to the office. But back then, it was just like, heading to the office or at work or whatever, you know? So, yeah. So now I spend five minutes a day or less, depending on how many memories have accumulated on that particular day over 18 years or however many it’s been. And I delete the things that I don’t want to see next year. Or I remove my. Like, I untag myself in other people’s shenanigans. Or I’m reminded of the fact that I lost an election, and I’m like, I don’t need to see that election announcement again next year. Delete. So, yeah, so, yeah, I mean, I think reflective practice is good.

I try constantly to become a better person day by day. And reflection is how you do that. Does it mean I need to see that? I was coloring twelve years ago, and we can delete that now.

So what are your thoughts on the past, Cathy?

[00:03:53] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I kind of, like, there have been some that I’ve deleted, but a lot of. I mean, well, I started on Facebook. Gosh, I was still in Austin.

So it goes back to, like, when Claire was a baby. Right? Like, right after, when she was born is when I got on Facebook. And it was really nice because I, like, connected with all these college friends I hadn’t talked to in forever. Grades. Like, I’m happy that I have a large collection. Like, every experience I’ve had, except for, like, a couple of jobs. Like, back in the early days, I’ve collected my people and I’ve stuck with them, and they’re still there, and I’m still there for them and everything. So I love the past things, you know? Remember when Facebook just started and we were, like, throwing farm animals at each other and vampires and stuff like that? I was always very goofy.

[00:04:46] Speaker A: I went on vacation once, and one of my coworkers tended my farmville farm for me. So my.

Yeah, I remember that.

[00:04:56] Speaker B: Oh, so funny. So I love, like, some of these old things, but, like, today’s memory, I started laughing, like, as you started talking because I went and, like, had to load it up because I hadn’t looked yet today. And on this day, 14 years ago, right after we had moved to mount Shasta, one of Mark’s friends because he had gone to Shasta forever before I even knew him, and so he had friends there, and one of his friends was dating the crazy lady, right? And she was stopping by our house and just like. And so I was like, I’m filing a restraining order. I don’t want her anywhere near me or anywhere in my kids. She’s nuts. So this is the 14th anniversary of me ever first filing a sustaining order in my entire life, and then my next one. And I don’t talk about politics, you know, because I. I firmly believe you. Do you? I do me, whatever. Just, you know, stay off my lawn. Just don’t care. But before many of my older friends will know, I was really into stuff. So there was a.

A post with called the shady bunch, and Ann Coulter was Jan, and I just loved that Ann Coulter was Jan. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

[00:06:13] Speaker A: Yes.

[00:06:14] Speaker B: So that’s still in there. And. Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t even pay attention to Ann Coulter anymore, so my life is better in that regard. But some of those memories of me cracking political jokes are funny, even though I don’t talk about it. And maybe my politics have changed slightly. You know, I’m not. I don’t. I don’t like any of the varieties of Kool Aid anymore, so I’m just. I don’t know. But anyway, yeah, I think I like holding on to some of the memories, but then there’s sometimes that I’ve posted or people have tagged me and things, and I’m just like, I don’t need to remember this. This is like, ugh. Like, some of the. Some of the older security stuff where it’s just like, yeah, whatever. I’m kind of, like, not into some of that stuff, and. But I love seeing, like, old word camp pictures and all of that, but, yeah, I think the past is weird, though, because part of me wants to go back to the past, and part of me does. Like, there’s like, I want to go back to Mount Shasta, but I know, you know, that whole thing, you can’t go home. Mount Shasta isn’t the same place it was when we first moved there. The crazy lady’s not even living there.

I can’t go home. Even though, like, some of my friends there are like, oh, come back. We miss you. Like, and I’m like, yeah, I miss my mountains, and I can go through all of that, but there’s no going back. There’s only going forwards, and I don’t. So I have to really watch myself to not get too.

Too much into the memories of, like, what was. Or, like, looking pictures of my kids or my dog that died and my neighbor’s dog that died. And just like, all of those, like, amazing, wonderful memories I get, because I, you know, life is harder for me now, and I’m getting to the point where I’m like, okay, I’m at peace with where I’m at, but I still. Why did I move? Why did I leave Monchasta? You know? Why did I leave Arizona? Like, I. So I have to really watch myself going into the past.

[00:08:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I can understand that. I.

It’s not even so much like, that part for me because, like, I’ve always lived in this area since Facebook. Aroused. I mean, not always my whole life, but, like, since Facebook, I’ve always lived in this area. Not necessarily this house, but in this area. And so it’s not so much a location as much as specific events in my life. Like, I remember when my dad died, and, like, I don’t look at Facebook memories around that time because I’ll just get sad, right? And as time goes by, like, it’s been over two years now, so, like, the first year, I sobbed like a baby. This year, I got a tear in my eye. You know? Like, it gets better over time. Like, we don’t stop missing people. We don’t stop feeling their loss. But perhaps it isn’t as keen and dire as it felt at the time. Because with time, we adjust, right? We learn to live with those kinds of feelings and memories. But still, yeah, there’s just, you know, then there’s other things that I forgot about.

You know, like, when I won’t say who, but, like, somebody in my family had a medical kind of condition happening, and, like, I. Those came up, and I was just like, oh, let’s just delete those. Everything’s fine now. I don’t. We don’t need reminders of that, you know? Or, I don’t know, just went to the grocery store, like, those kinds of things. Or, you know, remember when it was, like, everybody was posting their food, like, look at my lunch kind of thing or check ins at locations and stuff? It just feels like clutter to me. And just, like, decluttering my house. I’ve been decluttering my Facebook memories, I guess, but, yeah, yeah, not really swedish deaf cleaning, but, you know, that kind of idea. Just, like, I don’t need to be reminded of certain things, and just, like, you hold something in your hand and you decide if you need it for the memory of it, or if you could just have the memory and not the actual thing.

Kind of like with Facebook. Do I need to see that every year? And if I. If I don’t want to, that’s okay. It’s okay to let go of some of those posts that bring back memories that maybe don’t need to be felt every single year on a specific date. I’m okay with that.

[00:10:28] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:10:31] Speaker A: So next year I won’t be reminded that my crops died on Farmville.

Like, oh, damn, the beets died again.

[00:10:41] Speaker B: Oh, man.

[00:10:45] Speaker A: Sorry, I interrupted you.

[00:10:46] Speaker B: It’s hard, hard out there to farm. It really is.

[00:10:50] Speaker A: Who knew?

[00:10:51] Speaker B: Yeah.

[00:10:51] Speaker A: Even digitally.

[00:10:53] Speaker B: Yeah.

[00:10:54] Speaker A: In the.

[00:10:55] Speaker B: So in this sort of spiritual woo woo, there is no past. There is no future. There’s only the present moment. The present moment is all you have.

And I tend to torture myself towards future things of, like, well, what if. And what about, and what am I going to do? And what. I worry about the future much more than I think about the past. So I’ve been doing this practice of when I start worrying about the future, of just staying very, very present and realizing that, like, I could only. It could be five minutes, you know, lightning bolts, nuclear war, who knows? I mean, I could worry about all those things and they don’t exist, but they can torture you emotionally and mentally. So what am I going to do for the next five minutes? So anytime I start getting worried too much about the future, what are you gonna do for five minutes? It’s really all you got right here, right now. And then it’s just like, oh, well, I’m going to love. Go love on something or someone. Come here, dog. Like, and just love on something, right? And just love, right?

[00:11:57] Speaker A: Yeah, that’s.

[00:11:58] Speaker B: And so a lot of the woo woo stuff is like, there is no past either, but every time you remember it, you recreate it. Remembering is recreating it. So if there is a painful something that happened in the past or anything, like, if there’s a traumatic experience that you had in your past, rewrite the story. Like, just reimagine it as something. Like an event that is completely and totally different. Like, I’m trying to think of a trauma.

Like, I need you now. Now I need you. Why can’t I think of one?

[00:12:35] Speaker A: Yeah, they share it as a trauma that you could turn around.

[00:12:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Why do they show up at 02:00 a.m. But, like, right. Oh, my gosh, I’m trying. Like, I’ll just go, like, let’s say, okay, go to grade school. This one popped up recently of, like, some teacher said something, and it was like, oh, what do you mean? How could you be so critical? Like, I could go back and re remember it as, oh, she said it to Jack, the kid who was annoying anyway, you know, like, remember it completely different. Or remember that she said, but it’s like your mind knows, right? Of, like, okay, well, we’ve got that. We’ve got that cell over here. We’ve got that synapse. We know where that goes. You can’t fool us. So you have to, like, really kind of trick yourself into, like, re remember it differently. You can’t remember that. You know, like, I can’t re remember that my dog didn’t like, that he still alive and didn’t die right in front of me. Like, that was a very traumatic experience. But I can.

God, that just came back like a boom.

[00:13:40] Speaker A: But you can lean into the love, right. Of that relationship and you can tell myself.

[00:13:47] Speaker B: Reframe it. Yeah. I tell myself stories about that experience and how much that dog meant to me. And, you know, then I tell myself things about the rainbow bridge and how they’re all waiting for me, like, all of my doggy friends.

Who’s that dog?

[00:14:02] Speaker A: You’re gonna be covered in dogs. But when you get over there, they’re all gonna be looking up.

[00:14:06] Speaker B: And the cats, too.

Oh, my gosh.

[00:14:10] Speaker A: Can I tell you a funny story?

So when I was, oh, my gosh. Ten, maybe nine. So pretty young.

And I’m the oldest, and so the oldest of six, but there are the three ogs, right? So my dad had three families. So when I talk about growing up, it was just me and my two brothers growing up. So I’m the oldest. I must have been ten, 910. And then Rob would have been a year and a half behind me, and Greg would have been four years behind me.

So it’s Christmas morning, and we were at my grandmother’s apartment, and my parents, like, we were sleeping in the living room. Mom and my dad, my stepdad at the time, my dad, I don’t remember. Anyway, we’re somewhere. I guess it would have been my dad. And then grandma’s in her bedroom, whatever. And it’s like five in the morning, and you know how kids are Christmas morning. Like, they want up, right? We want up. We want to be open in presents. It doesn’t matter that it’s still dark out, whatever. And so I don’t remember exactly what prompted this, but we are in the kitchen trying to be quiet so we don’t wake up our parents. And get yelled at on Christmas morning. And my brothers are teasing me about something. I don’t remember what it was, and I was so angry, and I wanted to flip the bird to them, but I knew that would get me in trouble like crazy. So instead, I gave him a big thumbs up. Like, oh, yeah.

Gave him the thumb instead of the finger. Right? So they still tease me about that. So. Oh, yeah, Michelle. Ugh. You know, but the funniest thing is now, like, for Gen Z or whatever we’re at right now, like, responding with an emoji of a thumbs up is a big f. You like, it’s like, yeah, okay, boomer. Okay, so. And so, you know, so, like, I.

[00:15:49] Speaker B: Just want to say I was it that way in slack because I do that in slack all the time. Am I telling people to f you when I do that in slack?

[00:15:56] Speaker A: It depends. Yeah, actually, yeah. That’s why I use hearts now instead of thumbs ups.

But here’s the thing. Sorry, coworkers, they don’t think we know that that’s what it means, which clearly you didn’t.

So I’m not a boomer. Not even close.

[00:16:12] Speaker B: Oh, my God.

[00:16:13] Speaker A: They think you’re using it ironically. I use it unironically. If they ever come back at me and they’re like, you know, that means I feel I’ll be like, yeah, I do know that.

Which is why I never give my daughter a thumbs up, because she’d be like, mom. But I just want to say, I was 45 years ahead of my time. I knew back then that the thumbs up was going to be like, the fu of 2024. So I just want to say that. But, yeah.

And there’s full circle moments that are just funny that it’s not on Facebook. It’s nowhere else. You’re never going to forget it. But I remember playing boggle with my mom, and the way we play is you go with your words, and whoever has the most words that the other person didn’t have wins. Right? I don’t know what the actual rules are, but that’s my plan. And you ever have a word that somebody says it, and your brain will not process what that word actually is, and you’re like, huh? So she’s going down her list of words, and she says, pig.

And I could not imagine what a pig was in that particular moment. And I go, what’s a pig? And of course, like, that was 45 years ago, and I’m still getting teased for that sometimes, too. But I don’t know, 15 years ago, my daughter and I were playing boggle, and I said, kit, k I t. She looks at me, she goes, what’s a kit? It’s like, it’s not the same as a pig, but let me tell you a story.

So, yeah, so some stories are just goofy and they live on forever because they’re funny and you still have a happy memory around them, even if you like, even to other people, that would have been a cringe moment. Like, what do you mean? What’s a pigeon? But we still laugh about that, right? Or the time I was so excited because we were gonna meet my stepdad’s family and his brother, his past sids, but was a blind man. And my.

My twelve year old brain went, oh, good, I can practice my sign language.

I swear to God, like, everybody that wasn’t driving in the car turned and looked at me and they went, what?

And I was like, never mind.

I still get teased about that, too. You gonna use sign language on the blind man, michelle? I mean, like.

And so now I’m like, well, it worked for Halle Keller. But there’s more ways to experience sign language. It isn’t only visual, but, yeah.

[00:18:33] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, that’s hilarious.

[00:18:36] Speaker A: And I tell people, I know that everybody thinks I’m an incredibly intelligent woman, and I like to think I am, but I do some really stupid shit, too.

What’s a pig? And practice my styling.

[00:18:49] Speaker B: So, yeah, it’s so funny.

[00:18:52] Speaker A: It’s just dumb. But it’s fun.

You can lean into when you’ve done stupid stuff that wasn’t. I mean, it didn’t affect anybody, right? Like, those are just fun stories of when your brain just went. Had a bubble or whatever, you know, and you go, oh, yeah, that was really stupid. But how funny is that? Because nobody was injured. It was just all the good fun. They can still tease me about it today and I still laugh about it, too. So, you know.

Yeah.

[00:19:19] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that’s funny. Yeah, some of the stuff, like my brother and I just.

Yeah, old memories he’s got, like, he remembers things, like crazy. Like, just, he’ll remind me of things and I’ll be like, oh, my gosh, that was so hilarious.

So, yeah, but, yeah, I mean, it’s good to focus on the good and reframe the bad. I mean, what else can you do, really?

[00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that’s very true. And sometimes it takes a long time to reframe the bad. And that’s okay, because things do get easier with time. It’s not that they are not still catastrophic events and traumatic events of your past. But we learn coping skills, and with time, things do soften, you know, a little bit.

[00:20:09] Speaker B: Yeah.

Yeah.

The mind is.

[00:20:13] Speaker A: Life is good to you.

[00:20:15] Speaker B: Yeah. The mind is such a weird thing. Like, just watching the stuff mark remembers and the stuff he doesn’t is so weird. It’s bizarre. Like, last night, the. The woman that comes and helps me, you know, care for him, she was here, and she’s. We were talking. She’s going on a trip to Arizona and California, southern California. And so we were talking about places, and I’m like, oh, you should try check out Carlsbad. It’s a really nice little town. It’s kind of, like, north of San Diego, but it’s really, really nice. You’ll like it. And my husband, who’s sitting there listening to the conversation, he’s like, that’s the last place I ever talked to my mom. So how do you remember that? But that’s just, like, boom. That is just, like, in his memory. Like, he remembers that. He remembers that trip, doesn’t remember. You know, I’ll wake him up in a little while, and I always ask him every morning, do you know where you are? Do you know what month it is? Do you know what day it is? And just kind of, like, re anchor him back into this reality and never remembers. Never.

But some of those things are just like, yeah. The mind is so weird.

[00:21:24] Speaker A: 51St dates, man. 51st dates.

[00:21:27] Speaker B: Yeah.

[00:21:29] Speaker A: Make a video. Just pop it in every morning. Remind him.

[00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Oh, the videos I put on for him now is there’s this channel that does this, like, webcams from around the United States with, like, the weather. And, uh, he. I’ve been there. I’ve been there. I’ve been there.

[00:21:46] Speaker A: Like, he.

[00:21:47] Speaker B: And he just starts reading him off. He’s like, Niagara Falls, 51 and cloudy.

Just read off the weather from, like, all of these places and everything, and it just kind of anchors him back into, like, here we are, and this is the map of the world, and these are the places that you’ve been to. Because he comes back from sleep, and it’s just like. And one of his friends, who’s, like, very, like, just scientist with the mind and everything, said, okay, it was in his speech center. So every day he’s gonna wake up, it’s gonna be like groundhog day. You’re gonna have to just, like. Like, coached me into how to deal with all of that stuff, and it’s like, it’s never changed. Every time he wakes up, it’s like, welcome back.

[00:22:27] Speaker A: Yeah.

[00:22:28] Speaker B: So I should go into his Facebook and look at his memories. Oh, yeah, maybe I don’t want to be interesting.

[00:22:35] Speaker A: For sure.

You have to do that on a day when you can be prepared to laugh, cry, and maybe even drink some wine. I don’t know.

[00:22:45] Speaker B: Some of his Facebook posts were. I’m like, Facebook is turning into AOL. For him. It just turned into AOL. Just like, you know how that happened? Like, AOL, after a while, aol, when it first started, was like, all the techies were there and everything, and then all of a sudden, it’s like, here’s grandma sending you a rose, you know, animated gif. And it’s just like, oh, God, I gotta get off. AOL stuff is nonsense. Facebook kind of became that for, I think, a subset of people and, yeah, mark and some of his friends. Her.

[00:23:16] Speaker A: What’s that app? Is it neighborhood? That neighborhood app that talks about next door? Next door? Is that what it is? Anyway, one of those that I’m. That I got suckered into rejoining, there’s a woman, and I don’t know how big the neighborhood goes on those things, but she keeps posting on their, like, unsubscribe.

[00:23:38] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, stop sending me email.

[00:23:41] Speaker A: Like, she’s done it, like, four times. And people, there’s kind people in there trying to respond and tell her what she has to do in the settings. And then there’s other people who just mock it relentlessly. And I’ve not. I’ve done neither, but in my head, I’ve done both.

[00:23:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. There’s a group on Facebook.

I’ll have to share it with you. They’re mean. They’re really mean. But some of the posts that people do on their Facebook, or, like, they’re trying to sell something on Facebook marketplace, but they accidentally post a selfie instead of the product.

And it’s just like, it’s. I find them very, very funny. But some people are just mean as can be, but. Or, like, their Facebook profile. It’s like, I like macaroni and cheese and I have diabetes.

[00:24:31] Speaker A: Why?

[00:24:33] Speaker B: That’s your first intro to, like, new friends. Like, there’s some that are just like, they’re bad, but they make fun of them.

[00:24:42] Speaker A: If you ever need to pick me up, Google people selling mirrors, because I promise you, people do not know how to take a photo of a mirror without. There’s one with a person with a sheet over their head. Like, literally, like, ghost taking a picture.

Oh, no. People who are near naked because they don’t remember that they’re in the reflection. Like, ugh. Like, the infamous tea kettle. Do you remember the infamous tea kettle one from, like, 20 years ago? A guy is taking a picture of a tea kettle, but it’s perfectly polished, and he is buck naked reflected in the tea kettle.

Everybody, this weekend, your mission is to go Google people selling mirrors, because I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

[00:25:38] Speaker B: There’s also the best of next door, and some of those are their text. They’re mostly just, like, screenshots of text things and stuff that. But there’s actually. That’s bust of Nextdoor. They have a Facebook group, and it’s on Twitter or axe, I guess. It’s like, I got a message this morning. We’re officially branded now. Like, it’s never going to be Twitter again, type of thing.

[00:25:59] Speaker A: It logged me out of all of my external accounts. Like, I have, you know, you can log into and not on my phone, but on. Online. I had to go relog into 15 different accounts through all my different browser windows anyway.

[00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.

[00:26:16] Speaker A: Okay. Like, I gotta change those links because I have got to get in those groups. Yeah.

[00:26:21] Speaker B: And we’ll add them to the. Add them down below.

[00:26:24] Speaker A: We’ll add them to the show notes.

[00:26:26] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, there’s some funny ones. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I just started looking again and that I usually get lost and then end up crying in the corner, laughing so hard that I can’t. I can’t even do anything for a while, so I gotta be careful.

[00:26:39] Speaker A: I hear ya.

[00:26:40] Speaker B: I just. I just. I just saw a Titanic water slide. Like, who would do that? Like. And they’re trying to sell it for $6,000. Like, Titanic waterslide.

Who. Who comes up with this? Like, we’re going down a water slide that’s, like a replica of some place that people died. Like, oh, my gosh.

[00:27:07] Speaker A: Well, I mean, yeah. Next. Next week is the mausoleum bounce house.

Instead of a castle family name over the entrance.

Oh, my gosh. It’s stained glass windows.

Goodness, my face hurts. Smiling now. Oh, maybe we should.

[00:27:33] Speaker B: That’s the goal.

That’s the goal.

[00:27:36] Speaker A: Well, if you’re listening, we hope you laughed a little, too. And if you ever want to just, like, give me a thumbs up, I’ll understand. But also, I do know what a pig is now, so you can tease me about that, too. Anyway, we hope you all have a great week ahead and share your memories with us. We want to hear some of the fun stuff that maybe you’ve deleted off of Facebook, too. And it’s okay if you don’t want to share those things. So anyway, all right. Have a good one.

[00:28:05] Speaker B: Bye bye.

[00:28:08] Speaker A: This has been WP motivate with Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. To learn more or to sponsor us, go to wpmotivate.com.