Know Your Worth
The world is often set up to keep us small. From teachers who want easier classrooms, parents who just want peace and quiet after a long day of work, the structures of disempowerment exist in many unconscious ways even as we get older. And yet, most of us know that we’re destined for something greater. In this episode, Michelle and Kathy explore some of those disempowering structures and methods of breaking free to discover who we really are and know our worth. As more of us wake up to who we are and what we were put on the planet to do, we end up inspiring others to know their own worth, too.
Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Start your week smiling with your friends, Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. It’s time to get ready for some weekly motivation with WP Motivate.
Speaker 1 00:00:13 Happy Friday, Kathy.
Speaker 2 00:00:15 It is Friday. Happy Friday, Michelle. How are you?
Speaker 1 00:00:18 I never, I’m good except, you know, I, I never know what day the week it is. I’m constantly checking my phone. I’m like, wait, is it Friday yet? It’s Friday. So, yes. And then I always say the wrong day, like when we recorded things like that. But it’s Friday. Today is Friday, the 21st of April and it’s a good week. It did snow here on Monday, but it’s in the seventies again today. So, yeah, I mean, it’s Rochester, New York. We live by the Great Lakes. It has its own weather system. It is what it is, but it’s sunny and it’s supposed to get up to like 72 today. So no real complaints.
Speaker 2 00:00:50 And we’re going into the weekend with that Great weather for you too.
Speaker 1 00:00:53 Yes. I have not looked at the weather , the forecast for the weekend. Cause if it’s gonna rain all weekend, I don’t wanna know until later , but yeah. Yeah. My goal is to get out with my cameras this weekend if it is nice weather. So
Speaker 2 00:01:05 Amazing. That sounds so wonderful.
Speaker 1 00:01:07 Yeah, it’s part of my self-care is getting out there in nature with my cameras, so
Speaker 2 00:01:12 That’s amazing. And self-care is important because it is, you are an extremely valuable person to this community, to me, to so many people who love you. So we want you to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 00:01:23 Likewise, as are you. It’s funny cuz uh, we, last week our episode was, um, our favorite things. And when when I were to post it on our website, I realized that we already had done our favorite things in December. So I was like, I’ll just add the word more in the middle here, , what were my favorite things? And the truth is that those favorite things aren’t just because they’re fun. It’s all part of our self-care, right? So yeah, even things as simple as your husband, having the right bed is part of your self-care because if you can sit him up electronically, you don’t have to pull him up using your back muscles. So yes, our favorite things are all about self-care, including the coffee and wine. And if you wanna know what those thi what those favorite things were, just go back to wp motivate.com.
Speaker 1 00:02:11 Look for last week’s episode, more of our favorite things, . And, uh, I, I linked as many as we could, um, out to Amazon and other places. So that if you’re interested in, uh, seeing what the, why we think things are amazing. Um, I did put a disclaimer on there. None of those links are affiliate links. We don’t make any money. We just wanna be able to share the things that make us happy. And one of those things is like we were talking a little bit before we started recording the show, knowing our self-worth. And I think, yeah, you know, you, you made a comment that when you start to know your self worth, the community and others around you reflect that back to you. And I actually was starting to wonder, do you think that sometimes we’re not willing to see the reflection until we Yes. So something is a catalyst, right? So like, maybe it’s not that the rest of the community didn’t already have that admiration or respect or whatever the words are, um, for you. Maybe it’s just that we weren’t willing to see it until there’s a catalyst that says, um, you know, maybe I do have some value. And then I look around and people are like, damn straight. You do. We’ve been here all along, but you just didn’t, wouldn’t hear it. You
Speaker 2 00:03:22 Know? Yeah, yeah. You know, the, the, you’re reminding me of, um, of something my husband wrote like, gosh, 15 years ago, um, where he was, he had this issue with a business partner and he, um, he started talking about like, different types of teachers or different types of mentors. And you have a mentor that wants you to be more successful than they are. And then you have mentors who want you to be successful but not more successful than they are because they’re threatened and they might have jealousy issues or whatever. And then you have teachers who just, you know, you’re always going to be the student. I’m always going to be the professor. And, and, and you have different types of teachers. And so you want to find people, mentors, bosses, organizations, communities that say there’s the sky. There is no limit for you. Like, I’m here and you may see yourself as less than me in some ways, um, but I want you to be more successful than me.
Speaker 2 00:04:24 I want you to have like all of the metrics, more followers, more speaking engagements, more money. Like if that’s your path, go do it. Like, and so you want to find mentors like that and communities like that, that, that just, there is no limit or bosses, you know, there’s, I’ve seen so many like friends and and such that have like bosses that feel like, okay, well you, you can’t be more than me. Like cuz I’m your boss. And so therefore there has to be this hierarchy. And so they, the, these structures sometimes or people’s like own fear, like bosses or mentors or teachers own fear caused them to, to limit other people and keep other people small because of their own fear. And it’s often hard for people who are in those kinds of relationships to break free of that because it’s like, oh, well what happens if, you know, do I, do I lose mom’s love?
Speaker 2 00:05:18 Like, I think there’s like some primal thing, like where there is where you feel like, yeah. So I, I just remembered just as you were talking, I remembered those articles that he wrote, they still get traffic on his site too, whenever I Oh, awesome. Every six months when I go look and see how his, his site’s still okay because he’s not really working anymore. But yeah. Um, yeah, I think, I think there’s a lot of things about just life and society and work and, and the way we were raised that, that keep us small and not knowing our worth mm-hmm. so that when even if somebody says, oh my God, you’re so amazing. I can’t believe you just did that. You don’t ne really even hear it or want to own it because there’s like a fear, unconscious fear associated of like, loss of, or where, where do I belong now? Like if I’m bigger than my boss or I’m bigger than this organization that I’m in or, or whatever. What does that mean? Where am I? You know? And so there’s some fear associated, so we keep ourselves small and we don’t claim that self-worth that, that we should.
Speaker 1 00:06:22 I think you’re right. I think there’s, you know, there’s a lot to be said. There are, and, and speaking as women, uh, for a minute, right? Specifically, we, there are those of us who kind of are trying to push the boundaries open doors. There are women who go through that door and close it behind them cuz they want it for themselves. Sure. And then there are those women who go through, open that door, break the handle so nobody can ever close it again and bring others behind them. Right. And you, you, you were making me think it was like I was, I saw, okay, I, it was TikTok. I saw TikTok after the Met Gala, which I couldn’t even tell you when that was, probably sometime in February or something. Um, and these amazingly ridiculous, gorgeous gowns that they wear that are so impractical, right? Where somebody stands at the top of the staircase and their gown goes 30 steps down behind them. Like, okay, great, you’re gonna go into this like the gal and you’re never gonna be able to sit down or move or people are gonna be so, but the No,
Speaker 2 00:07:21 Not for you either.
Speaker 1 00:07:22 . Exactly. Right. But as you were saying about, you know, about that and, and the mentors are wanting not to always stay ahead of you. I was thinking, you know, I realize that I have a voice in our community and I try to use it for good as often as possible. Right. I write articles on post status Yeah. That kind of either push the wrong buttons or help people see things or whatever. And, and that’s okay. That’s what, that’s what I’m here for. Got broad shoulders. But I was thinking about like, I really do, okay. I love the limelight. I’m not gonna lie. Right. I put myself in positions to be out there and suffer this slings and arrows or the praise and that’s okay. But I always hope that they’re, I’m opening the door, I’m making it possible for other people to have better lives.
Speaker 1 00:08:07 Not just in WordPress but in general. And I got to thinking about the ride the coattails thing. Like, you know, like there are people who are like, oh, they’re just gonna ride my coattails. Cool. Well then I need bigger coattails cuz I’m going places and if they wanna come, they could come too. Right? Like, there’s ways to, to be better about that. And there’s ways to say, well then I’m cutting those coattails off. Nobody’s riding my coattails. Right. Why, why would you do that? And we have something coming up again in WordPress, which is another all-women non-binary release squad, which is coming up for, um, I think for this fall mm-hmm. . And we had one, gosh, a couple years ago now, 5.6 and we’re one at 6.2 right now. Um, 6 2, 6 3, I lose track, I’m sorry. But, um,
Speaker 2 00:08:52 6 2, 5, 6 three’s coming. Okay.
Speaker 1 00:08:54 All right. Right. So I was right. Okay. That’s good. Yeah. Um, maybe I, I’m not gonna edit that last part out, but I wish I would , um, . But it’s that kind of thing, right? Where we will still suffer the slings and arrows of the misogynistic part of the WordPress community, which includes women, it includes women and non-binary folk. Right? I’m assuming, I know it includes women for sure. It definitely includes men and that’s okay. Right? So those of us who are willing to put our faces at the front of that and take the brunt of that are still gonna open the doors for women behind us who have never been part of something that big before and want to Yeah. And that’s good. It’s a good thing. It’s great. And that’s where that value comes in, right? Like I tweeted out this morning, so, you know, I have a plugin in the repository.
Speaker 1 00:09:44 Yes. I joke about it because I’m not a developer. I just fork Hello Dolly. I tell people not to use the word just right, like don’t use just to describe yourself, but I literally just forked hello Dolly, took the Hello Dolly lyrics out, put positive affirmations in there. And then this week, Tanner record who works with us, um, at Modern Tribe, which is part of Liquid Web now, he helped me set up web, web actions or GitHub actions so that I could update my plugin in GitHub, change the, um, the release number and it’ll automatically update in the nice repository, which is what has kept me from updating the plugin in the first place. Right. Because it’s like, I can’t remember how to do S V n I’ve only done it twice, but, um, and I tweet about it and like, I have 503 downloads in three years, which I’m not mad at cuz it’s Hello Dolly. Basically. Right. 41 of those 8% were just this week because I tweeted
Speaker 2 00:10:42 About it. Really? Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:10:43 That’s what I tweeted about it. And people see value in positivity. So you never know where your value, your perceived value of yourself versus others, perceived value of you may not always align until you start to see some of those feedback loops come back to you, but just trust they’re there. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:11:03 Yeah, yeah. Well I think, you know, there’s that whole adage of when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Yes. And I think when you are ready to receive reflections of your self-worth, it will show up. Yeah. And honestly, as it shows up for me, I find just intense humility, like mm-hmm. , I am not worthy
Speaker 1 00:11:29 like just doing
Speaker 2 00:11:31 What I do. I’m not trying to, but yeah. What comes easy for me in, in this lane, right? Where my, where my expertise is where, where I am most at home, where I can contribute the most. That lane is not necessarily anybody else’s lane, but the, it’s comfortable and that’s where I’m gonna stay. If somebody tries to drag me over into like another lane, I’m not gonna be comfortable there. I’m going to fail. And so I just like stay in my lane of what is Yeah. And, and that reflects then back to me when, when you hear those types of things and you’re like, okay, you know, I, I, I keep going back to you, a couple of people who have come forward to me recently who have been, you know, basically watching what I’ve been doing in the WordPress space for a long time.
Speaker 2 00:12:17 And one woman in Phoenix told me that she basically changed her career because of me years ago. I love that she listened to me in, um, podcasts and Word Camp talks, and she’s like, I wanna do what she’s doing. And she changed her career. Um, I did not go out there saying I need to find a person and help them change their career and be, I just like, I’m just me and if I inspire somebody else, then that reflects back to me. Then it’s just like, oh my gosh, okay, well that feels really good. That feels like I’m on purpose. That’s what I wanna do. I wanna empower people. And so then that ref, you keep getting that feedback, that feedback is just kind of like, okay, next step . Yeah. Can you do this more next step? And it’s almost like this flashlight shining a path of like, okay, I am in the right lane.
Speaker 2 00:13:03 I am doing who I am. Being who I am. This is super easy for me to just do what I know and teach what I know. Mm-hmm. . And it just like lights up this path of just like, okay, I don’t need to figure out, okay, what am I gonna do in five years? I just need to know what the next step is going to be. And it just keep, every time I, I hear a, you helped me do this or you helped me do this, or we really appreciate what you did, or we value you, all of these things are like, okay, ah, I can relax into like this path. So mm-hmm. claiming my value and allowing my, my people to reflect that back to me.
Speaker 1 00:13:43 Yeah. It’s just
Speaker 2 00:13:44 All of this like, I feeling of, I mean, I’ve, I’ve had friends who have had like bosses and stuff that are just like, no, you need to stay here. You need to stay here. Like, like just mm-hmm. , like, they’re threatened by people being able to do that. Um, and I just want to like say, no, you can’t you can if you’re in Yeah. I mean, there’s, there’s gotta be somebody listening to this that they feel like they’re in a position where they can’t, and I just wanna say, you can just mm-hmm. , just look for the sign and then Yeah. Where you see the, see the light take the next step. Absolutely. And just keep taking those steps. So that’s my story. Absolutely. And I’m hoping it’s inspiring somebody no matter what lane you’re in mm-hmm. to take some steps.
Speaker 1 00:14:30 I I agree a hundred percent. I’m gonna add to that and say, and say that as women especially, okay. So I can’t speak to how women in their late teens, through their twenties and even into their thirties have been, I know how I raised my daughter, but I don’t know how I, I can speak to how I was raised, and I’m gonna guess that you’re gonna agree with me that this is how our generation was raised. That women are supposed to be demure and appreciative and not self-aggrandizing in any way. So if somebody says, oh, I love your dress, otherwise you’re a bitch. Right? If somebody says, oh, I love that dress. We’re not supposed to say thank you, I love it too. We’re supposed to say, oh, I got it on sale. Or Oh, this whole thing, it was just in the closet. Yeah.
Speaker 1 00:15:16 Um, or it has pockets, , you know, like, we don’t actually just say, thank you, I I really feel good when I’m wearing it, or I, it makes me feel beautiful. Like, those are the Yeah. When a man says to us, uh, you have a beautiful smile, we’re not supposed to say thank you. I know I’m beautiful. Right? Like, I mean that I, I think that’s silly to say, I know I’m beautiful, but we’re not supposed to say thank you. We’re supposed to say, oh, you know, I just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, and we are supposed to, and, uh, I’m disagreed with it. We’re not supposed to, but this is how we were raised supposed to. Right. Be humble about that as opposed to show gratitude. Right. And one of the things that changed the way that I receive compliments and therefore those value statements, right?
Speaker 1 00:16:01 Is that somebody once said to me when I did that, I downplayed what they said as a i instead of was just saying thank you and owning it. They said, do you know that when you just didn’t accept my compliment that told me that I was wrong? And so you devalued the compliment that I gave you. And I was in my twenties when somebody said that to me. And like, that flipped a switch for me. So from then on, even if I didn’t feel it, if somebody said, oh, I love your hair today. I said, thank you. I feel like I’m having a really good hair day. You know, kind of thing. It didn’t say, oh, I think I’m amazing. I’m well, so my hair’s better than anybody else was in the world today. No. Did it feel like that’s what I was saying? Yep.
Speaker 1 00:16:44 But the reality is you can be appreciative of other people’s compliments for you. And eventually, even if you don’t believe them at first, you will start to see that other people actually are saying those things because they see value in you. But yes, that was about hair, but I’m also talking about the fact that my plugin got 41 downloads this week. Right. Like, that’s value to me. That, and those are statistics. Like, I can’t even go and say, oh, what’s just because X, y, Z? Although somebody did try to say it’s because I verified my Twitter, but it’s not because of my Twitter verification . Um, but it, but it actually never caught the truth is just like, go ahead. Go
Speaker 2 00:17:22 Ahead. Well, like think back on how our, how our mothers like Yeah. The olden days and olden days, you know, our moms are, you know, we’re old, so of our moms were old, but like, yeah. Think back to like the Bewitched era and women stayed home and supported their husbands and you didn’t go have a career. You didn’t, you, you were mm-hmm. , you were as a woman, culturally told, stay small, stay supportive of your husband. Mm-hmm. , um, you know, every great man, I saw somebody said this to me once, every great man has a an incredible woman behind him. Right. And I’m just like, yeah, yeah, it’s true.
Speaker 1 00:18:02 But let’s,
Speaker 2 00:18:03 Let’s like shift the spotlight a little bit and like, you know, yeah, great. I’m, I’m so glad this man is successful, but like, let’s really like highlight women’s contributions. Mm-hmm. back in the day, our women were not allowed to do that. And yeah. We live, I’m so grateful that we live in a time where we can claim that kind of spotlight, where we can claim our value and not have to, to be put into that place of staying small and being demure and, um, almost like running away from people who are telling us that, that we’re worthy. Because society just like brainwashes people into thinking that that’s not okay. You’re gonna lose something if you do that, your husband’s gonna leave you. And what are you gonna do with seven kids? Like
Speaker 1 00:18:50 Oh, jokes on them. I left my husband ,
Speaker 1 00:18:56 But, but you know, you were talking earlier about like when the mentor doesn’t want you to grow beyond them, or the coach doesn’t want you to be better than them. I grew up with my mother being very competitive with me about our salaries. Yeah. And I had a ba, I had a bachelor’s degree at the time, my mom was working at the university that I went to working at. And when I went to the university, it was the first time I was 29, 30 years old, I was making $32,000 a year. This was 1998. So it was, I mean, that was big salary back then. Um, I mean, not top salary, but it was decent salary back then. And my mother was the first time that she’s like, oh, you’re making more than me now. I’m like, well, mommy put me through college. I sh you don’t have a college degree.
Speaker 1 00:19:36 I should as a registrar be making more than Yeah. The medical secretary at the hospital part of the thing. And just because of the, you know, how much time and energy I put into it this year, my, my daughter is now outearning me, she’s 31 years old. She outearn me at 54. And my, and my, and I am so freaking proud of her and I hope that she contin gosh darn, she’s gonna put me in a home someday and she has to be able to afford it. . No, in all seriousness, I am so pleased that she is as successful as she is and I hope she just dances circles around anything I’ve ever done and what being successful in the things that she loves and wants to do.
Speaker 2 00:20:19 Yeah. That’s amazing. That’s ama. Yeah. See, I see it like that with my kids too. Like, I don’t want them to make what I make, I want them to make more, like way more. Right. I look at my daughter and it’s like, she, she’s brilliant. She’s snarky. She’s got a good sense of humor. She’s got, yeah.
Speaker 1 00:20:35 I wonder where she gets that from. , sorry,
Speaker 2 00:20:40 Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it? Never
Speaker 1 00:20:43 Do. Yeah. ,
Speaker 2 00:20:44 She’s, she’s gonna do amazing things in this world. She’s so driven. She, and she’s so much more confident than I was. I mean, I came from a pretty, this is so funny. I was talking to my mom and she, I said, you know, living in that house, we lived in this, like I looked down at on Zillow and I’m like, what do you mean? I was like 1600 square feet, five people lived in that house. It was like, what were we doing there? And I was just joking with her and I’m like, you know, plus my dad was like drinking and coming home and just like, it was like, you know, the car, you’d see the headlights coming and it’s just like, it’s time for bed. It’s like eight 15 it no time for bed, everybody. Yeah. It was just a really chaotic environment. I say to my mom, I’m like, you know, it was not a good growing up environment. It was very, very stressful. And she’s like, well that’s cuz the house was haunted. . Well we had another, another entity living there with us that just makes it worse. But the life beings in that house, were pretty stressed out all the time too. Like,
Speaker 1 00:21:45 We talk about our ha our haunted upbringings cuz I have one too. And we, that’s this episode, next week’s episode, WP Paranormal . Mm-hmm. .
Speaker 2 00:21:55 Oh, I’ve got stories. I have got some stories. Cause my dad’s, my dad’s store was definitely haunted and I had some encounters that were pretty Oh, pretty freaky. But like my daughter, I raised her. She’s, you know, hasn’t been perfect. Obviously the stuff going on with her dad has been pretty stressful. Um, but I have tried to make both of my kids, their environment, the way they’ve grown up is the antithesis of how I grew up. So that they can be confident so that they can go out into the world so that they can, so that if they need help, that they can reach out and get help. Like my mm-hmm. , my son had both of my kids, like through this experience, have had therapy sessions and mm-hmm. , there’s no stigma associated. This is just like what we do. This is how we get better. This is, there’s no stigma associated with this. Good. So yeah. I want them to have, I think it all starts with the mindset and it starts with self-worth and being allowing the world to reflect back to you that worth Yes. And claiming it.
Speaker 1 00:22:55 Yep. So as we wrap up today’s episode, I wanna put two challenges out there for our listeners. All five of you. I know there’s more than five, but I just think it’s funny. Like eight of you, whatever. Um, we have more listeners than that , but, but we’re still a small podcast and we love that and it’s all good. But anyway, this is my two challenges. The first challenge is to accept the compliments and the value that other people ascribe to you. I promise you, if you fake it, you will make it right. This is one of those things where people don’t go out of their way to, to tell you what your value is and lie about it. When people take the time and energy to tell you how valuable you are to them, they mean it. Yeah. So internalize that and be, you know, show gratitude instead of deflecting that. Yes. The second thing is go out this week and tell at least two people that you value them and why, and don’t blow sunshine up their skirts. Be honest. Find those people that really mean something to you and explain to them. Yes, it can be succinct, it can be a long conversation, but actually tell people the value that you find in them and help them see that in themselves. Those, that’s my two challenges for this week.
Speaker 2 00:24:13 I love it. I don’t have anything else to add. I think that is perfect.
Speaker 1 00:24:17 Well, we’ll end there then we’ll see you next week. We’re gonna talk about the ghosts of WordPress past, I don’t know. I’m just making a stuff up. That was, we go . Anyway, love you Kathy. We’ll see you all next week. Love you too. Bye bye-Bye bye.
Speaker 0 00:24:34 This has been WP Motivate with Kathy Zant and Michelle Frechette. To learn more or to sponsor us, go to wp motivate.com.